PSYCHO 101

(An online course available for college credit)

Syllabus

PSYCHO 101

 

I hope the Arabs nuke Cleveland or otherwise I’m going to look like a complete jackass.

Rupert Murdoch is the biggest SOB who ever lived. I’m proud to work for him.

Someone stole my banana.

Psycho? I can teach it.

People watch me because they’re as crazy as I am!!!

Here’s JOHNNY!

I’ll shoot anyone who calls me a nut-job.

I’ve never been the same since I was abducted by a flying saucer.

I’ve been called “The Happy Jew” ever since I was a kid.

This is not a mask!

You wanna talk drugs? I’ll talk drugs. Are you recording this?

The only man to survive six suicide missions.

I love working in a roadside motel. There are so many exciting things to do.

Guest Speakers

I am not a psycho.

The most popular girl in high school.

“Smiling Tom“ said no jail could hold him.

 

Sometimes it helps to make people think you’re crazy.

I got my name from cream de mint liquore.

Recipient of the “2009 Grave Diggers Award of the Year.”

Pals

I’m proud to say I have 200 proof whiskey running through my veins.

I’ve discovered that Americans love genuine crackpots.

I think of myself as the corn-on-the-cob representative.

You win some, you lose some. You win some, you lose some. You win some, you lose some.


For years I thought I was a Rabbi. Now I know I’m not.

As a Zionist, I have a right to be crazy.

When I was a Boy Scout, I used to help old  ladies cross the street.

I’ve memorized over twelve thousand Holocaust films.

Then one day I got real lucky and got a job as a cab driver.

I’ll never forgive the Mexicans for giving me Montezuma’s Revenge.

This is a huge syllabus. Please be patient while the instructor adds more. Serious students can prepare for class by researching “Republicans,” “Zionists,” and “Disgraced CIA Agents.”

Home

How would you like it if you’d been struck by lightning seven times?

I had a wonderful time and met some nice people.

Is it okay if I call my Mother?

I’ve saved more people than Jesus Christ and it only costs $700.00.

My teachers always said I had a wooden personality.

Let’s do lunch sometime.

I asked the Lord to make me wise, and He did.

I’m not crazy. I’m a Republican.

I gave up a cricket game to come here.

I’ve never had any problems with massive doses of Prozac.

One word:


Plastics.

I kinda liked prison.

I’d like to deputize everyone at the conference.

Nobody likes me.