Dick Armey (aka “Lazarus” in Texas), who gave a whole new meaning to the expression "corporate whore,” announced that he was forming a reconstituted SA, aka “Brown Shirts," to assist the mentally ill to get elected. Brown Shirts were Nazi thugs who disrupted public meetings so people couldn’t discuss anything. Especially them.
Operations were put in charge of Bob MacGuffie, a Tea Party Patriots volunteer who was described by a priest as a "suspicious character,” and a woman, Jenny Beth Martin. “As long as they can click their high heels and salute, they'll be given promotions in our new, Grand Old Oger Fascist Party," Armey said.
Rumors that Armey had to be resurrected from the dead were obviously exaggerated. He seemed to move every time his strings were pulled. Since joining the party, Armey admits he uses more oil than gin....although the gin continues to help his gout and conscience problems.
Jenny Beth Martin, described as a very poor golfer, was nonetheless welcomed into the exclusive SA club. "The only order she ever questioned was our lunch.” Armey joked. "She's come up with some fabulous ideas. My fawning
Hoffman had publicly admitted that he worshipped Glenn Beck, a felony in 12 states. A Democrat hasn't won that seat in over 100 years. Although the gin and whiskey flowed at the celebration party for Hoffman, the party had the feel of kissing your sister, Armey admitted.
Generally thought of as a washed up shitbag in Texas, why Armey the Clown is showing up in other parts of the country is understandable. Although Mexicans love tacos, they wouldn't give him one if he was starving to death. Even cowboys think of him when they piss on a snake. Many Texas roadside cafes refuse to give him water.
Listen up, Dick. No one likes a mean old shit.
– Artificially Inflate Your Numbers: “Spread out in the hall and try to be in the front half. The objective is to put the Rep on the defensive with your questions and follow-up. The Rep should be made to feel that a majority, and if not, a significant portion of at least the audience, opposes the socialist agenda of Washington.”
– Be Disruptive Early And Often: “You need to rock-the-boat early in the Rep’s presentation, Watch for an opportunity to yell out and challenge the Rep’s statements early.”
– Try To “Rattle Him,” Not Have An Intelligent Debate: “The goal is to rattle him, get him off his prepared script and agenda. If he says something outrageous, stand up and shout out and sit right back down. Look for these opportunities before he even takes questions.”
– And last: If psychotic behavior works, use it.
Lazarus Speaks
Here are some of Gruppenfuhrer Martin's fabulous ideas:
Corporate Masters love her like Mexicans love tacos."
Films produced by SA Reichfuhrer Ernst Rohm himself were shown for training purposes. “I get giddy every time I see those guys saluting," Armey admitted. "Why can't Americans do that?"
MacGuffie and Armey showed guts in supporting "Nut-job" Hoffman in his race against DedeScozzafava, another brain-dead Republican.
Head of the new GOOFY Party, Dick Armey came out against death and taxes in 1981.
by Joe the Philosopher